Episode "Fun Run" Favorite Quotes

Michael: "I did not get the job in New York. But I got the real prize: Domestic bliss. Jan made me breakfast this morning. Well, she bought the milk."

Jim: "Michael came in complaining once about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then."

Dwight: "Check to see if she's faking. If a car hit me it wouldn't crack my pelvis".

Michael: "Okay I have an announcement."

Oscar: "You pushed Darryl out of a window."
Phyllis: "You shot Dwight."

Michael: "I have flaws.. Occasionally I will hit someone with my car, so sue me. No, don't sue me."

Michael: "My responsibility is to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. I'm not superstitious but I'm a little stitious."

Michael: "You spend your whole life trying to get people to like you, and then you run over one of them with your car. And it's not even one of the popular ones."

Kevin: "I thought they'd be good together. Like PB&J. Pam Beesly and Jim. What a waste."

Angela: "This is Halloween last year. Just a couple of kittens, out on the town."

"The Meeting" Favorite Quotes

Michael, to Oscar, about his upcoming colonoscopy: "In your experience, what should I be expecting in terms of sensation, or emotions,  is there anything that I can do to make it more pleasureable for me, or Doctor Shandry?"

Michael: "You and Jim are close, huh?"
Pam: "Yeah, I think the pregnancy really brought us together."

Andy: "I have been having trouble focusing lately, I'm in this weird, flirty, nebulous thing with this cousin of mine and it's a total mind f-er."

Pam, on her wedding reception: "It costs about 75 dollars a person."

Ryan: "Hey, I once had a glass of conac that cost 77 dollars."

Darryl: "Why would you think a lady is me?"

Dwight: "Are you kidding?  Because you look exactly alike.  Am I the only one getting this?"

Toby: "I don't see it."

Michael: "I never recommended you because I didn't want to lose you, and then I didn't want to lose Pam, and now I don't wanna lose the baby."

Jim: "So instead you screwed me?"

Michael: "That's what she said."

Michael: "I am also being promoted to co-manager."

Poor Dwight, this look on his face ties so well into next week's episode.

And this one...

"Gossip" Favorite Quotes

Okay, I know, this quick glimpse of Meredith shaving her armpits in the office bathroom isn't a quote, but it's fabulous still.

Michael: "I hate, hate, hate being left out. Whether it's not being picked for a team or being picked for a team and then showing up and finding out that the team doesn't exist, or that the sport doesn't exist. I shoulda known, poopball??"

Kevin: "Tea? You would. Oh, I bet you like it."

Andy: "I like it a lot. I love tea."

Kevin: "Do you like it as much as you like men's butts?"

Dwight: "One of you will do exceedingly well in business, one of you will make a living, nothing more, and one of you, will make a great mother. It's up to you to choose which you want to be."

Jim (to Andy): "You've gotta figure this out. You've gotta have sex with a woman. And then with a man. Then compare".

Angela (to Pam): "You know a baby conceived out of wedlock is still a bastard."

"Gossip" rumor recap

Stanley's cheating on his wife. (true)

Angela's dating an 81 year old billionairre. (wish it were true)

Pam's pregnant. (also true, accidentally)

Kelly is an anorexic, or in Michael's words, an anorexitic. (so not believable)

Andy is gay. (he doesn't even know the truth)

Erin isn't a good worker. (I guess she is??

Oscar is the voice of the taco bell dog. (I'm surprised Michael didn't go the gay route, but instead, he went the racial profiling route)

Toby is a virgin. (as he says, he has a daughter, poor Toby)

There is another person inside of Kevin, working him with controls. (by far my favorite rumor)

Dwight uses store-bought manure. (I find it funny that Michael thought people would care, and that Dwight is so hurt by the accusation)

That Michael (or Jim) is a J. Crew model. (the only positive rumor)